Last Night

I realized last night that I need something. I need the drive. I need to get something inside me that helps me do what I need to do.

I'm so tired all the time. I have so much that I'm doing with my two. #1 is in cheerleading and #2 is cutting teeth. I just don't have any energy. I want so bad to do something for me but when it gets to be the time I can actually get my fat butt on the eliptical I'm so tired I just want to stare at the wall. I don't know what to do. I want to be healthy so badly. I hate looking at myself in the mirror. I don't know what to do.

I think I'm going to take some time this weekend and research a bit. I really want to know how movement effects one's body. I know that it's a good thing, I just want to know exactly what it does.

I need to have a powerful WHY!

mmmmm coffee

So today is a great day. I actually did what I said I was going to do last night. I WORKED OUT!!!! If you can't tell I'm a little excited and proud of myself.

I seemed to have a bit more energy today but I'm not sure if it's the exercise or the half pot of coffee I drank. I feel really good today.

I don't really know exactly how many calories I ate because I don't know the calorie count of the chicken and rice I ate. Dinner was really good though. I cooked chicken thighs in olive oil in a frying pan. I put a little garlic salt on them and cooked them until they had a light golden brown crust, yummy so good. I also cooked baby green beans and rice pilaf. My husband put the leftovers in a little container for me for lunch today.

Tonight I'm going to do my 20 minutes again. I hope I can head out of work early because I'm having dinner at the in-law's tonight. If not I will have to hit up the elliptical after the kiddos go to bed.

1200

I have decided that today is the day I'm going to only eat 1200 calories. That has to help right?

So far I have done rather well. I had one cup of coffee (I would have loved to drink the whole pot if I had gotten up early enough), I had a crunchy natures valley peanut butter granola bar, a turkey sandwich, sun chips and a diet pepsi. I drank some water between my meals too. So that is about 655 calories. Not bad.

I brought a yogurt for a snack and I will eat something very yummy for dinner. I just haven't figured it out yet.

I'm also getting on that stupid elliptical machine tonight.

Stupid Coke

So I went to Chick-fil-a to get me some lunch, as I always do when I don't bring something from home. It was very yummy and I was so looking forward to a good fountain diet coke. So I put my straw in my cup and I take a BIG sip and I swallow. I sat back in my chair and stared at the top of my beverage. The diet and the coke tabs were pushed down, but the funny thing was that it was regular coke, GROSS! I have been drinking diet beverages for so long that the taste of a regular drink makes me want to vomit. Anyway, that was my lunch experience. The food was good but the stupid coke ruined everything.

I'm not quite sure I should have ordered what I ordered but when I get to the drive through something comes over me. It's like a devil that sits in my ear, a fat devil that can't fit into her pants. I get the little whisper in my ear that says, "you can't fit into your pants any way, what's one fried chicken sandwich going to do to you". Well, today I fought the chicken sandwich and got chicken salad sandwich, but in all actuality I should have just gotten the stupid chicken sandwich. Don't get me wrong it was very yummy. It's just that you never know what people put in their chicken salads, or tuna, so you should only eat them if you have actually prepared them.

So now that I have done a bad thing by eating that terribly unhealthy lunch, I have to fight the urge all day to do the right thing. Because there again is the stupid fat devil. "You already screwed up today so what's 10 chocolate chip cookies going to do to you", CRAP! Like life isn't hard enough. My pre-pregnancy pants keep floating farther and farther away.

I have to stay strong!

Oh the Mondays

Today I woke up and I weighed myself, as I usually do, and I'm up a couple of pounds. I can't say that I'm really upset about it because I'm figuring that it's because I have been doing small workouts a couple of weeks now. I know that muscle weighs more than fat and I haven't been doing any cardio. With two kids it's really hard to find that 30 minutes to get moving. By the time I put my two girls in the bed it's 9:00 and I can't really do anything but stare and sit there. With that being said I did realize that 2 weeks ago and I came up with a little workout routine. I call it my mommy workout. Every time I change the baby's diaper I do either 10 squats and 20 standing side crunch things or 10 push-ups and 20 crunches. Last week I added 30 jumping jacks to do before each to get my heart rate up. I can tell it's working the muscles because I will be sore and I see them now. I kind of thought that my muscles went away with my teens. The only thing is, like I mentioned before, is that I'm gaining weight. I know I need to add at least 3 days of cardio, it's just hard finding time. I just need to do it for me. I'm going to go for a walk tonight. I have an elliptical trainer but we have been rearranging the house and it's outside on my porch right now. I could use it but right now where I live in Georgia it's still horribly hot. It's really just me making excuses. Yep, just excuses.

Winter is coming soon and I have so many pairs of jeans and I can't get my butt into them, and if I can then it really isn't a pretty picture. I know people like muffins but not above your pants.

I'm going to get my husband to take some pictures of me tonight so I can post them. I feel like that will be super motivation.

My first goal is to drop 5 pounds. I'm going to do that by October 13th. I think that's doable.

This is going to be fun!

Oh yeah, I guess I need to say where I'm starting from.
weight today: 185 (I know, that's gross)
Goal weight: 145-150
Height: 5'8"